We had already had a let down by not being accepted into the NCAA soccer tournament.  We had watched the names of the accepted teams appear on the screen during the official announcement.  It was painful seeing the names of those we lost just 1-0 to in the season and even teams we tied or beat, all make the cut.  When the last team, Rowan, who we defeated, came on the screen, we all slumped down in disbelief.  There was a deafening silence, and then we all got up and left.  We did not make the NCAA’s but we did make the ECAC’s.  Even though it was not what we wanted, we had to get back to work and win this tournament.

We made it to the final on November 11^th.  It was against Kean University, who we had tied earlier in the season, and we had home field advantage.  No doubt it was going to be a well-played game, but one that we definitely should win.  Kean scored on a break away in the second half.  But we did not let up.  We earned a penalty kick with just two minutes left in the game, and Bre buried it in the back of the net.  Now it was overtime.  The whole bench was on their feet.  We all wanted this so badly, especially the seniors who were playing the last game of their competitive careers.  However, a Kean forward broke away from our defense and capitalized on her opportunity.  It was over.  Kean won 2-1.  The entire opposing team rushed the field to celebrate their victory, and the game-winning player turned around and went at it with one of our defenders who had desperately tried pulling her shirt during the final play.  She rubbed her goal in our player’s face.  It was salt in the wound.

Our coach verbally attacked the referees for their poor performance.  He was not satisfied at all with what they had done, or had not done, during the game.  Our defender lashed out at our team in frustration.  We stood there, helpless, and lined up to shake hands.  However, one of our players slapped the stomach of that game-winning Kean player.  The Kean player then turned on the waterworks and told our coach what had happened.  That was when everything got extremely out of hand.

Unfortunately, that game was probably one of the worst experiences I have ever had.  It was a terrible way to end things and it made our team look unsportsmanlike.  On the other hand, we had done really well this season and had fought hard in the game.  We ended the season with a great record.  We have to look at this in a positive way and learn from it.  In the future, we have to be able to get key wins in our conference, and we have to remember what it felt like at the end of that game.  So we make sure that we never have to relive it again.

Alexis Lawless

David Lester’s Suicide Talk

November 20, 2012

On Tuesday, November 13^th, I attended a talk given by Professor David Lester. I obtained extra credit in my Statistical Methods class for being present. Professor Lester is also my Abnormal Psychology teacher. He is famous for his research on suicide. This event was held in Alton Auditorium. Professor Lester is a very interesting guy in class, and I didn’t know much about his research and books, so I thought it would be a good idea to go. It was definitely worth my while.

This was a one-time event and it was held for the sole purpose of David Lester talking about suicide, the signs, how to prevent it, and an explanation of why he has not figured out the reasoning behind it yet. He has examined people’s diaries, both famous and everyday people, and discovered many similarities between the suicidal ones. He used machines to process what people frequently said and felt throughout the diaries. I didn’t know that a machine like this existed before this.

Thankfully, I never lost a family member or friend to suicide. David Lester made it clear that if anyone ever did, then he or she should never blame themselves for not seeing the signs. Weeks before a person even commits suicide, they could be happy-go-lucky day and night. Luckily, Professor Lester was able to get his hands on diaries of his students’ siblings to diagnose, along with famous people’s, to try to get a better understanding about why anyone would want to do this to himself or herself. He does believe that if he were to find an answer, it would simply be an individual case study and could never generalize the whole suicidal population.

Before his speech was over, David Lester gave us the number of a suicidal hotline. I never had to call this number, but I think it was very thoughtful that he gave this out to us. I am personally not suicidal, but if I ever know somebody who is in the future, I will not hesitate to call. I believe this talk was very informative and I’m glad I attended. I learned much about suicide and that it’s not a new problem in the world, and certainly will not be cured in the near future.

I have always had a fascination with all things morbid. Anyone who would look at my library records might be alarmed because the book that I check out most often is called The Killer Book of Serial Killers by Tom Philbin. No, there is nothing wrong with me psychologically; I am purely interested in the different theories and causations of homicide and suicide, rather than the literal act of it. My interest is no secret to my friends, who brought to my attention a suicide seminar on November 16th. At first, I thought it was going to be a suicide awareness/prevention seminar, but it was actually centered on case studies of people that have committed suicide and who have left behind journals. Of course I was interested; it was a great opportunity to get into the minds of those who felt suicide was their only viable option.

The first case study was an 18 year old girl named Katie. She was the sister of a student at Stockton, and after her death, her journal was given to Professor Lester to analyze. What was interesting was that the last few months before Katie’s suicide, she was more composed and calm, and never mentions the word suicide in her writings. This makes sense because there is a certain peace that comes from making the final decision and Katie’s writings became more positive as the journal came to it’s conclusion. Although seemingly contradictory, many times the word suicide is not used because a person does not want to accept this word, due to it’s negative connotations. She may accept the fact that this is her solution, yet may have trouble writing the actual word down. Most of Katie’s journal entries reflected a very insecure person; someone who is caught up in a vicious cycle of self-deprecation. This becomes a running theme in many of the journal entries of other people as well.
Robert was a professor who felt very paranoid about his work and believed that people were out to get him. He believed himself to be a fraud and that he was essentially an idiot. He also felt impotent when it came to being with his wife. All of these insecurities ultimately led him to his suicide. A similarity between Robert’s journal entries and Katie’s was that they were both adept at listing their downfalls, and where they failed as human beings. Another similarity is that near the end of Robert’s journal entries, he, too, had an emotional shift where he becomes more positive and composed. He has found the solution as well, and that solution was suicide.
The most compelling notion of the seminar did not come during the presentation itself, but afterwards during the question and answer portion. Someone asks the professor if writing in a journal was beneficial or detrimental to these people who have committed suicide. Obviously, the journals provide us with an intimate look into these individual’s minds prior to their final acts, but sometimes these journals can be written with a certain idea that they will sometime, in the future, be seen by other eyes. This may skew the truth and actual intimacy of the journals, if the author is writing it for an audience. Also, especially with Katie, who spent hours and hours cooped up in her bedroom writing horrid things about herself, might have benefited from not having a journal. In the end, we cannot safely say there is a tidy solution to suicide. There are no sufficient conditions for one to commit suicide, although there are many similarities between individuals. The main idea is that suicide, in itself, cannot be understood, but one may be able to understand the individual who commit suicide.

During Welcome Week, I joined my fellow incoming freshmen as we were corralled like sheep from one monotonous assembly to the next, and I looked for every excuse to avoid partaking in the various socially awkward festivities. I settled down in my seat at the Warrior Champions documentary, craving popcorn and praying for an epic film depicting some Roman gladiator’s gallant fight to the death.  Though my wish was not granted in such a gory fashion, my eyes were opened to an entirely new class superhuman fighters- wounded soldiers turned Olympic athletes. I entered the Warrior Champions essay contest on a whim, and was granted a prize far more valuable than any monetary reward. I was given perspective.

A few weeks after entering the contest, I received an unexpected phone call from Assistant Dean of Students Tom O’Donnell, coordinator of Veteran Affairs at Stockton, informing me that I had won. After explaining the rewards I would be granted, he asked if I would mind attending the next Veteran Affairs meeting to take pictures for the newspaper. I consented, but truly had no idea what to expect. I tried on several outfits in search of something appropriate- not too casual, not too formal.  Upon entering the room on the Thursday of the meeting, I was surprised to find so many people that easily blended into the general student population here at Stockton. The room was full of men and women who had served in various branches of the United States Military, and were now attending Stockton in hopes of furthering their education. Many of these students were several years older than me, but welcomed me graciously into their circle. I was the only person in the room who had not previously served, and I felt so miniscule in comparison to such brave people.

Attending the meeting was truly an eye-opening experience for me. Had I not been present, I would be completely unaware of how many Veterans walk in our midst every day. It was extremely humbling to hear stories of the trials they had gone through on tour, as well as the challenges they face at home. Many face financial burdens and academic struggles that seem trivial to the average student, and most of the Veterans expressed interest in making the general population more aware of their presence on campus. Stockton was named one the most Veteran-friendly colleges in the country, but it is shocking to see how unaware many students are regarding the program. At the conclusion of the meeting, I was invited to come back the first Thursday of every month to join in the planning and discussion. I was truly honored to be welcome among such real-life heroes, and that was perhaps the greatest prize of all.

On the morning of September 8^th, 2012, I arose from bed with every intention of going gardening in Absecon. I donned the oldest clothes I could find, laced up an over-worn pair of running sneakers and threw my hair into a messy ponytail, justifying to myself that no one would see me behind the layer of dirt with which I would surely be decorated. After blindly boarding a shuttle bus I assumed would take me to pull weeds or plant flowers for a few hours, I was informed that I had been assigned an entirely different agenda. In the words of my activity leader, “We’re going to be throwing a picnic for about twenty emotionally and physically disabled men.”

It didn’t take long for the initial panic to set in. Emotionally disabled? I immediate sought out the emergency exits. Maybe I could hitchhike back to campus? Before I had the opportunity to fully develop my escape route, we had arrived at Lake Lenape alongside a bus very similar to our own. Our bus contained three rather small, terrified college girls and one equally apprehensive group leader, while theirs contained something far more impressive: a lesson.

Spending the day playing picnic names and grilling burgers with the men of Community Quest was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. As the minutes passed, I became more comfortable and ever more ashamed of myself for casting judgments in the first place. We filled that pavilion with laughter and something those men appreciated more than the food and games. Our presence brought friendship and real human interaction into the lives of people who are often looked down upon because of their hardships.  Whether it was watching Russell, a man with severe Down Syndrome, score his first points in the bean bag toss or conversing with Tim, whose disability remains undetectable to me, I am unable to put into words how deeply this experience enhanced my understanding of my own life.

I have known for a while now that I want to be an occupational therapist, but my unexpected Day of Service only confirmed that vision. I was able to see that the purpose of my life might not necessarily be to make the most money or receive the highest acclaim, but to help others feel whole again. I am reminded of a familiar quote when I look back on this day. Brandi Snyder said, “To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Though I may not have my own television show or run for President, I recognize now that I can make a difference by simply passing on a smile.

On Tuesday, October 16^th, Stockton College was honored with an extraordinary performance by the Koresh Dance Company. The event was held in the Performing Arts Center from 7 to 9 p.m. Stockton’s theater was immediately crowded with eager students and teachers, as well as many older individuals. Tickets were priced at $45 for Orchestra seating, $25 for Mezzanine seating, and $10 for children. A $5 discount was kindly offered to senior citizens, while students also received reduced prices.

The Koresh Dance Company originated in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1991, and is headed by the choreographer Ronen Koresh. Raised in Israel, Koresh first learned Yemenite folk dancing from his mother. As he matured, Ronen Koresh continued his pursuit of dancing, and eventually branched out into genres such as ballet, jazz, and modern. Upon immigrating to the United States, he began to choreograph his own performances. Each piece incorporates various types of dancing. His brilliant shows combine multicultural music with emotional and innovative movements. The company is made of a diverse group of dancers, each with extreme precision and agility. These trained professionals utilize their bodies, vocals, and facial expressions to narrate a story. Together, they work to transport the audience to an alternate world.

Koresh performances detail many serious life issues, including domestic disputes, love, and rivalry. Conversely, many dances involve humorous aspects, in which the dancers mock societal rules and expectations. One specific dance shown at Stockton involved two females, in oversized tutus. During their performance the women frolicked about without care, displaying sarcastic smiles upon their faces. The music that played was similar to that of a circus. It seemed as though they were creating a caricature of dancers in a world of strict rules and stereotypes.

The dances shown were excerpts of Koresh’s previous performances, ranging from 1992 to 2012. Although quite different in meaning, the routines meshed together to create a profound, impacting storyline. I greatly appreciated the time and effort put into the Koresh Dance Company performance, and plan on buying tickets in the future.

Being a resident on the East Coast of the United States, particularly in New Jersey, many people along with me have been dealing with the disastrous consequences of Hurricane Sandy.  I was fortunate enough not to have had to deal with any major damage as a result of this storm, but many, many people were not as fortunate as I was.  Of course I had seen the videos and pictures of the destruction on the news, but I never really realized how bad this hurricane was until Operation Blessing.

Operation Blessing is a volunteer organization run out of the Lighthouse Alliance Church in Little Egg Harbor, New Jersey.   I was given the opportunity to volunteer with this organization through Water Watch here at Stockton.  I had a strong interest in helping directly with Sandy victims in a way other than donating needed items, and this was the perfect opportunity.  I have gone several times now with students from Stockton to volunteer with Operation Blessing, and it has been the most rewarding experience I have ever had.

In the times I have volunteered, I have gone to three homes in the Little Egg Harbor area to work. Going to houses means that the volunteers will be doing laborious work because basically, the entire house needs to be gutted and everything wet needs to be thrown out.  That includes refrigerators, doors, walls, food, ovens, tables, chairs, fences, etc.  The list goes on and on, but I think it would be easiest to explain it as imagining everything you own being thrown out onto your front lawn for trash and all of the walls of your house being torn down.  Until I went and actually saw for myself and participated in helping to clean up the damage, I had no idea how serious this hurricane had been.

The most amazing thing about volunteering is seeing how these homeowners, who have lost everything and are watching us tear down and throw out their lives, still manage to be in good spirits and are so thankful that we are there to help them.  Every homeowner I have met will laugh and joke around with us despite the devastation that has brought us all together.  I am very happy I was able to have this opportunity through Operation Blessing and help out the victims of Hurricane Sandy.